 What was your first impression?
I have read a number of marriage books so I looked at this one thinking
I had the measure of it. But as I read the cover, the back and the
introduction, this one had a kind of confidence not shown by most
others. A marriage can work, it can come back from the brink of despair
and it is worth working at it. I came to it at a time when friends’
marriages are in crisis so it was a subject close to my heart and a
timely reminder that God wants to be included in our lives together and
we’re wise to allow Him in.
What's it about?
The clearest message throughout this book is that a happy and
fulfilling marriage involves you making a choice to make it so. We,
especially as Christians, have no need to blunder into life with a
spouse hoping for the best and giving up when times get difficult. Time
and again the author reminds us that we choose love. The book begins
with addressing what might have gone wrong in a marriage, helping the
reader to identify areas of difficulty that have no need to be so. This
part is a little hard to swallow but the author ‘guarantees success’ so
try not to be disheartened. He then goes on to outline the ‘golden
rules of marriage’. You might have your doubts here, but let me assure
you, this book was readable and helpful.
What did you like about it?
Although lots of problem areas are addressed, there is constantly an
air of ‘all is not lost’. He includes some helpful exercises for you
and/or your spouse to look at. It was readable. Examples of couples are
used to show how problems can occur and how it is possible to work
through them.
What didn't you like?
His style was quite blunt which may be off-putting to some readers.
Some of the Americanisms might be off-putting to English readers. I
also noticed that he talked about ‘sharing God together’, which isn’t
appropriate to every marriage.
What will you still remember a year from now?
Sometimes feelings don’t matter, you make a choice to work at your
marriage whether you currently feel like making the effort or not. You
have to take responsibility on yourself and not heap it all onto your
spouse.
ho would you recommend this book to?
I would recommend this book to anyone married, especially people who I
knew were having marriage difficulties. Due to the language used and
the assumptions made, it is probably aimed more at Christian couples.
Can you give us a couple of good quotes from the book?
Do you know what has gone wrong with most troubled marriages? One or
both spouses has begun the process of de-valuing their mate. That
person you thought had such great value now gradually loses luster. You
began marriage with high hopes, now things are dragging. Your dreams
are beginning to turn into nightmares. You don’t know who or what to
blame. You may vacillate between blaming yourself and blaming the other
person.
The unfolding and blossoming of your personalities will not take place
under duress nor when you neglect or ignore each other. It will only
take place in healthy interactions. Great rewards will come to those
who learn to really care for each other, treat each other rightly and
give each other the security to be yourselves. You need to be totally
unafraid to express yourselves fully, each letting the other person
know everything there is to know about you. You also need to grow and
develop individually. According to our Creator’s design, there is no
end to what we can become. Your minds can expand. Your emotions can
take on new dimensions. Your spirit can become stronger and wiser. You
can truly blossom if you know someone in the world cares and
appreciates you. There is no situation on earth more suited to helping
each other to get on with personal growth than marriage. In the arena
of married life you can stimulate each other to become all God made you
to be.
review by Hilary
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