‘This is simply a mother’s attempt to explore the challenges of parenting a child with a life-threatening illness’ quotes the back cover. This immensely readable book is just that, a highly personal exploration into life as shaped by her son’s cancer and subsequent treatment. Added to that though are so many insights that would be applicable to anyone facing a similar situation.

I’m Still Standing is written by a mother of three, the youngest of whom had cancer followed by prolonged treatment only for the cancer to return. More treatment followed and he has been in remission for many years, though the ripple effects of his illness still affect family life today. The author tackles important issues chapter by chapter, using both personal experience and scripture to weave a real, yet God centred picture of parenting a critically ill child. The issues include yearning for the past, discovering the healing power of forgiveness and building for tomorrow.

What did you like about it?

I liked the way the author was so willing to be real and honest about her situation at that time, not just recalling tales of a faithful God performing miracles but about her helplessness, her frustration, her feelings of failure. It was difficult reading but so important for anyone in a similar situation or who knows someone in a similar situation to read. Her faith shone through and so did the palm of God’s hand under them as a family but in a book such as this it was vital to show it all. Her use of Bible verses was particularly helpful, as were the succinct categories into which she divided the book. There are helpful observations that are more far reaching than just for people with a very ill child, it was immensely readable even though my experiences don’t mirror hers.

What didn't you like?

Apart from a self inflicted dose of misplaced hypochondria, nothing!

What will you still remember a year from now?

The chapter on forgiveness was especially powerful, as were her repeated testimonies of God’s faithfulness. The week I read this book, I listened to a sermon about looking at what was most dear to us, like Isaac was to Abraham, and being willing to give it up if necessary. This was exactly the painful path Jan Burn had to tread with David, learning that nothing on this earth is ‘a given’.

Who would you recommend this book to?

Obviously, I would recommend this book to anyone for whom this book is immediately applicable. But I also believe it is an important read for those who know and are trying to support a family such as this. I really would recommend it as a priority read for those who know people in a similar situation and for the pastor and the church family.

Can you give us a couple of good quotes from the book?

I didn’t really understand just how crucial trust was until David relapsed. He had realized that his cancer had returned, and I was sitting on the steps of the hospital with him as he was trying to come to terms with the devastating news. He looked up at me, face red from crying, and said, ‘Why, Mummy? Why me?’ I looked into his innocent eyes, thought of all that he had already been through and all that was ahead, and felt that my heart would break. Suddenly, any well-rehearsed theologies of suffering that I had come to understand didn’t seem to cut it…I held him and found myself saying, ‘I don’t know why, love, but I do know that if I could take the tumour out of you and put it in me, I would.’ His eyes lit up. ‘That’s exactly what Daddy has just said, ‘ he said, and, amazingly, that was enough for David. He has never again asked ‘Why?’ Even now, I find this incredible, but for David it was enough that we, his parents, would have gladly taken his place. He didn’t need any other explanation. He trusted us. I have thought about this a lot over the past years and have come to realise that, as Christians, it’s the same for us. We have a heavenly Father who loves us so much that he not only would take our place, but did so when he let his Son Jesus die on a cross and take on himself all the bad things in us.

Our joy and privilege in parenting is to develop emotionally whole and mature individuals. Our child’s physical condition may never be healed or corrected, but they are more than just physical matter…God has plans and purposes for our children that are not solely defined by their bodies. Our responsibility as parents, through appropriate letting go of our children, is to encourage the sort of growth and development that enable them to achieve their full potential in Christ. In other words, we should have as much respect for all that our children are, and all they can be, as their heavenly father has for them.

review by Hilary