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How much do you push?


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#1 EnglishMuffin

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Posted 04 January 2017 - 09:42 PM

My kids are all variants of determined and organised. Dd1 is doing GCSEs and is focused and driven, I never have to nudge her, except to relax a little. Ds is eager and engaged and just needs a bit of help with the execution of his ideas. My middle two are a different story. Dd2 is full of sass and has a really laid back attitude. She's clever so she coasts, but she could do so much more. Dd3 is dizzy and disorganized but has improved in the last year, but often forgets homework, even when she's been asked if she has any.

I am a generally very chilled person, and my philosophy is very much along the lines of helping them by reminders, but if it doesn't get done they have to face the music. I'm trying to work out if I'm too relaxed about the whole thing - I know relatives who really drill their kids. What's your parenting style about achievements?
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#2 Barbara

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Posted 04 January 2017 - 09:57 PM

I have to say I was very much like you.   If they don't fulfill their potential it isn't really a tragedy.   They need to be well balanced, happy, caring people first and foremost, preferably with a living faith and, if they don't get straight As they will still find their own future.   they may even decide to pick up studies as adults and then have the maturity to do even betterQ


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#3 Noo

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Posted 04 January 2017 - 10:24 PM

I'm quite laid back about it too - coming at it from the point of view of someone who has found that top grades in almost everything at school don't count for a lot in the real world. I do nag quite a bit though but that is to try and prevent the distress that last minute homework panics cause, rather than with anything longer term in mind.

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#4 Blessed By His Grace

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Posted 05 January 2017 - 05:15 AM

I was laid back about it too. Ds2, very bright, achieved A/A* which shocked his teachers because he appears laid back and didn't realise what he was capable of! But he chose then not to take his education further, but his faith and maturity as a person in someone so young amazes me. So his high grades haven't taken him anywhere lower grades wouldn't have but he's a wonderful person. Dd had additional difficulties so didn't achieve at school but once she'd decided on a career worked really hard to get the qualifications needed to apply to universities. That came entirely from her, and it took her extra years to get those qualifications but she got there. Ds1 was a day pupil at a boarding school and used to do his homework there so I never had to hound him! All the children there had dyslexia or similar problems so homework was done in a classroom with a qualified teacher there ready to help any pupil needed help understanding their homework. I think that's why children at that school achieved such great results. Dd's year there getting her GCSE's proved that too. I actually think an extra supervised homework 'lesson' daily in schools would be fantastic for the same reason. But over all any achievements my children made was entirely their own efforts and I was never pushy. I guess me getting a degree in my 30's proved you get there when you're ready!
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#5 Quiverful

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Posted 05 January 2017 - 10:49 AM

We are the same. Dh always panics that being a Headteacher in the system, he might push too hard and so has gone the other way. I will ask and remind but refuse to make school stuff stressful at home. We've been accused of both not pushing enough and pushing too much by the kids which I guess means we have it about right. Neither boys finished A levels but both are on track with what they want to do so it's fine. It's never too late!

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#6 Blessed By His Grace

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Posted 05 January 2017 - 07:30 PM

This is really interesting. I'd always assumed Christian parents would push their children harder that most but it appears we are a laid back bunch.

Parkistani families really push/coach their children, hence many become Doctors.
Mum to 3 adult children in their 20's and Nana to an adorable 2 year old granddaughter. Also Mum to a nutty Golden Retriever and 2 lovely but independent felines. <br><br>
Life is often a daily struggle but thanks to friends and the Sams I muddle through.

#7 Geraldine

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Posted 05 January 2017 - 07:53 PM

We were very laid back with our two - my parents were INCREDIBLY pushy with me and I just rebelled!!!! Both of mine have gone on to achieve exactly what they have wanted to do without us pushing the issue.

Me:23/04/63 dh:08/06/57 dd:11/09/89 ds: 25/07/94
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Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.


#8 Dipsy

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Posted 06 January 2017 - 12:26 PM

I'm laid back, and the first two have become organised and self motivated. I'm not sure that is going to work for all of the kids though, so I may have to learn to nag!


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Mum to : dd1 20yrs ds1 18 yrs dd2 15 yrs ds2 13 yrs dd3 11yrs ds3 9 yrs dd4 7 yrs ds4 5yrs dd5 3 yrs, dd6 1yrs

 

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#9 Geraldine

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Posted 06 January 2017 - 01:05 PM

They may well surprise you Dipsy - I NEVER imagined that my ds would ever be self motivated and ambitious but he has completely proved me wrong!!  :D


Me:23/04/63 dh:08/06/57 dd:11/09/89 ds: 25/07/94
1 cat and 1 guinea pig



Colossians 2:7New Living Translation (NLT)

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.


#10 earthmama

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Posted 06 January 2017 - 01:07 PM

Fairly laid back here too although like Noo I will nag and remind.

Me 43 Dh 50 Ds1 20 Ds2 18 Ds3 16 Dd1 14 Dd2 10 DD3 8 DD4 my baby is 5! DGD1 BRAND NEW  cat Pippin :nature-smiley-001:,Psalm 127: 4-5


#11 Barbara

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Posted 06 January 2017 - 02:31 PM

We were very laid back with our two - my parents were INCREDIBLY pushy with me and I just rebelled!!!! Both of mine have gone on to achieve exactly what they have wanted to do without us pushing the issue.

 

 

I suspect the reason I didn't push was very similar!!


Barbara

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#12 Blessed By His Grace

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 08:19 PM

Every time I see this thread title I think it should be in the pregnancy section!
Mum to 3 adult children in their 20's and Nana to an adorable 2 year old granddaughter. Also Mum to a nutty Golden Retriever and 2 lovely but independent felines. <br><br>
Life is often a daily struggle but thanks to friends and the Sams I muddle through.

#13 earthmama

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 09:15 PM

:D me too

Me 43 Dh 50 Ds1 20 Ds2 18 Ds3 16 Dd1 14 Dd2 10 DD3 8 DD4 my baby is 5! DGD1 BRAND NEW  cat Pippin :nature-smiley-001:,Psalm 127: 4-5


#14 Anne-Marie

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 10:12 PM

And me!

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Mum to DS 24/03/03 and DD 29/09/05





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