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Consequences for actions and rudeness


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#1 bushmum

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Posted 08 June 2017 - 12:19 AM

Any ideas ? I have to pull someone up on their behaviour and their attitude. I guess I need some kind of appropriate punishment / reward system for a 13 year old. She does not have a mobile phone and the iPad is the problem. I need to have the equivalent of the time out corner , you know if you don't do that you will have to do this. Any wisdom please, I am exhausted on so many fronts and this is kind of the straw that is breaking the camel's back.

Our Lord reigns for ever and ever.
ME, DH, DS15 and DD13.


#2 Ju

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Posted 08 June 2017 - 06:44 AM

I have no idea. I got thinking yesterday that with everyone else, she is WONDERFUL - an absolute delight and realised, you know what? She needs someone safe to explode at/to - and actually isn't it better that person is me, her Mum? 

 

Meanwhile, I simply tell her to speak nicely to me and that I don't like being shouted at. ... I find the mobile phone a helpful place where she will send lots of lovey dovey messages, etc! 

 

This parenting teenagers is tough - and they face so much more challenges than we faced. More technological lives aren't as easy as ones without it but it's the times that we are living in.


Ju beautiful, amazing dd 13yo fabulous, gorgeous ds 4yo

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

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#3 bushmum

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Posted 08 June 2017 - 11:50 AM

I a man so with you on that Ju, there are so many more challenges today and I am such a fossil.

Our Lord reigns for ever and ever.
ME, DH, DS15 and DD13.


#4 Dipsy

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Posted 08 June 2017 - 12:16 PM

Bushmum, I find it so very helpful when Dh will have a go at my teens when they are rude to me (rare, thankfully). "How dare you speak to your mum like that..." kind of rant! He largely leaves things to me, but when he does wade in, it can have a big impact. He can list all the things I do for them and how unjustified their complaints are, in a way that seems more objective than it coming from me.

 

Teens sometimes need a lot of space and time to talk to us - undivided attention and time, and the chance to be heard, and to feel heard. It is so tough to find the space in busy lives, so easier said than done! (Especially when their concerns can feel so trivial to us!)

 

Life can get too busy, with too much stuff and too many choices and bewildering amounts of scary information about the world. Anything done to simplify their life or reduce pressure, can help general calmness. That is kind of long term strategy stuff though.

 

Punishments are generally computer or screen bans here. The occasional, you must do x if you want to go to "favourite activity".

 

Just a few thoughts!


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Mum to : dd1 20yrs ds1 18 yrs dd2 15 yrs ds2 13 yrs dd3 11yrs ds3 9 yrs dd4 7 yrs ds4 5yrs dd5 3 yrs, dd6 1yrs

 

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#5 Barbara

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Posted 08 June 2017 - 03:04 PM

But, also, with teens, the reassurance of love!   Not at all easy.   What about a 'fines' box?


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#6 Linda

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Posted 09 June 2017 - 08:56 AM

Agree with all the comments above.  It might be different with girls (different sort of hormones!) and I only have boys, but we have managed to keep DS2 on track better by putting a password on the ipad.  One of us has to unlock it for him, which means we get the chance to check, "have you done x? and xx?" before letting him use it.  He spent an awful lot of time making Youtube videos but since about February we have stopped him doing them, because he was far too distracted from his school work and his marks were going right down the pan.  His marks have gone back up, and he is looking forward to getting his privileges back in the school holidays!

Apparently you can buy a gadget that switches off Wifi at a certain time? That might help.

hugs in the meantime!!! (((((((((((((((bushmum)))))))))))))



#7 bushmum

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Posted 09 June 2017 - 10:43 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone. Unfortunately all the homework is on the iPad, so tricky to lock. I am starting to think this is normal and we just have to hang on pray and survive.

Our Lord reigns for ever and ever.
ME, DH, DS15 and DD13.


#8 Dipsy

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Posted 10 June 2017 - 01:43 PM

Teens do get nicer! 


14836591608_6a4ca3f114_o.jpg

 

Mum to : dd1 20yrs ds1 18 yrs dd2 15 yrs ds2 13 yrs dd3 11yrs ds3 9 yrs dd4 7 yrs ds4 5yrs dd5 3 yrs, dd6 1yrs

 

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