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Unwanted company in bed!


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#1 BecD

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Posted 02 October 2017 - 07:10 AM

Prayer and advice please!! Our 3.5 yo son is coming into our bed every night at the moment. Dh wakes up enough to move to the spare room and I wake up enough to know that I'm not sleeping well, but not to do anything about it! Ds has always been very tactile and cuddly, and seems to want/need human contact lots!
Ds has spent last night attached to me so I am now suffering with backache from sleeping badly and I'm grumpy from lack of sleep. I need to work out how to keep him in his own bed...

Me and DH, DD (5) and DS (3)

 

2017 – “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”” Lamentations 3:22-24


#2 Blessed By His Grace

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Posted 02 October 2017 - 07:36 AM

Mine had stair gates on their bedroom door a few weeks before I transferred them from cot to bed so that this habit never formed. I know people who have placed one Stair Gate on top of the other in a child's bedroom doorway so they've been impossible to climb over though thankfully I never needed to go that far.

If his presence is disturbing your sleep and it appears to be disturbing the marriage bed as your dh goes elsewhere (I wonder if he feels less important?) I think you're right to try and find a solution. I can't give personal advice as my method was to stop the habit forming but my instinct is to have a weekly sticker chart on which he places a sticker on the days he stays in his room at night. For each night he receives a small treat, if you're not sweet averse maybe a few sweets or something else small and affordable. If he manages a week, so 7 nights he gets an outing of his choice, maybe giving him a small list of doable choices of outings from which to choose and make it a family outing so dd is enlisted as encouragement to him to achieve the 7 nights. When he manages a month, then a trip to the toy shop to spend X amount of money on something of his choosing. That's the sort of thing I'd try.

If your dh wakes enough to change to a spare room it's a shame he can't return ds to his bed instead. My sister attended a sleep clinic with her youngest and she was never allowed to go to her dd2 during the night, only my bil could go and he'd just resettle her quickly and leave. It didn't take too long to work actually. They had stair gates in bedroom doorways so their problem had been crying at the gate.

These are just suggestions really, every single child is different so will respond best to different solutions so it's a case of trying to see what works. I don't handle being woken at night well, hence me using stair gates. But that's me. Even now if I don't sleep well it affects my whole day both practically and emotionally.
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#3 Barbara

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Posted 02 October 2017 - 10:57 AM

:goodpost:

 

((((BecD))))


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#4 Dipsy

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Posted 02 October 2017 - 12:38 PM

Sound like you probably need to make that superhuman effort to return him to his bed, rather than let him join you. It might be a few days of less sleep, but it will pay off very quickly. I would suggest that you both agree a strategy and the timing of it, perhaps when you have 2 or 3 less busy days ahead with nothing majorly critical or stressful for the next day that will break your resolve.

 

Reward charts are great! "Big boys stay in their own beds all night" is a chat worth having too. A big boy reward for then complying re-enforces.


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#5 hepzibah

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Posted 02 October 2017 - 02:41 PM

BBHG makes some good suggestions x


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#6 BecD

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Posted 02 October 2017 - 05:07 PM

Thank you! All very sensible solutions but when you're tired you don't think straight!
Ds used to have a stairgate on his room but we haven't put it back since we moved! Will have a chat with dh about putting it back. We've also started a sticker chart (dd has one for reading so it's good for them both to have one).

Me and DH, DD (5) and DS (3)

 

2017 – “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”” Lamentations 3:22-24


#7 Barbara

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Posted 03 October 2017 - 10:41 AM

Sounds good - well done!


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#8 BecD

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Posted 03 October 2017 - 01:11 PM

So I had a chat with ds yesterday and we set up a star chart with a car transporter as a reward, and I explained about good sleep, and... he stayed in his bed all night and dh and I slept well!!
I suspect it's a mixture of bribery, comprehension and prayer!

Me and DH, DD (5) and DS (3)

 

2017 – “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”” Lamentations 3:22-24


#9 Dipsy

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Posted 03 October 2017 - 01:25 PM

Oh wow! That is a great start.


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#10 Barbara

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Posted 03 October 2017 - 01:30 PM

:thumbs-up:


Barbara

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